Before you go ahead and tie me up on a stake, I am well aware that ambrosia was in fact the nectar of the gods. I don’t want to take anything away from ambrosia, I’m sure if I as a lonely human were able to taste the delicious nectar that it would transport me to a level of euphoria never before seen on earth.
Unfortunately though, all I have to work with as a mere mortal is the incredible beverage that we call wine. Red, white, you name it. I’m happy to drink it however it comes. Well, almost however it comes.
There are some forms of wine that are just unspeakable. I don’t even understand why humans choose to make it that way, let alone drink it. What’s the deal with oak, seriously? Why do people think it makes wine taste good? Why is it a coveted characteristic amongst some wine connoisseurs? Frankly it gives me a headache, even if I can manage to swallow it. My guess is that even a thirsty dog would turn their nose up to it.
Anyone who really knows wine will know that the oak flavor is actually an impurity. Back in the day when humans had no alternative but to ferment and age in oak barrels there was no avoiding it. You would hope that the flavor didn’t penetrate your precious wine too extensively, but you simply didn’t have another option. These days wine makers produces these absolute oak bombs, and they’re actually proud of it? It’s disgusting, and the practice of it disgusts me. Seriously, get your head out of the ground and start making some real, high quality wine.
The other thing that really aggravates me is this whole concept of sweet wine. Also disgusting. Don’t get me wrong, there is a place in the world for delicious dessert wines like a port or madeira. But what in the world is this moscato garbage? Do you actually expect humans to consume this stuff?
Wine should be dry as a bone. If not, you’re not fermenting it properly. Something is wrong with your process. Yeast are very good at what they do – eating sugar and turning it into alcohol. They’re so good at it in fact that you have to make an effort to stop them from bringing a wine to a dry finish. And why would you ever do that? I can’t tell you why, but people do it.
OK, so you’ve probably had enough of my ranting by now. It’s time I actually add something to the conversation. If you’re looking for some good reds to try, sample some Beaujoulais, some Malbec, or some Pinot Noir (the French stuff, not the California knock off). If you want some white, go for Muscadet en Sevre et Maine. Or some Gruner Vetliner, or some real, dry, German Reisling. Spain makes some good whites too, Verdejo de Rueda is a great bet.
Stay away from California wine until they get some experience under their belts. Seriously, that stuff is all marketing and no delivery.